Who Surrounds Me?: The Third of Six Questions to Create the Blueprint for Your Life
This is the third of six articles detailing the core practice of my coaching business, Integrative Studio. You will find article one “Who Am I?” here and article two “What’s Going On?” here.
American actor, trainer, and author Uta Hagan created the system I learned as an actor for script analysis and character development. Her “Six Steps for Characterization” became my blueprint for personal life coaching.
I call it the Get Real System.
Life is a story, and we hold the pen.
After college, I began using this system to keep myself goal-oriented and purposeful in my work, hobbies, and relationships.
I have since adapted it to apply to life situations to help my clients get real with:
The circumstances they find themselves in (let’s call this the “world of the play”)
How they situate within them (let’s say as the “protagonist” of the play)
How they interact with others (let’s call them the “supporting players”) to get what they want in life.
I will go through these six questions over six articles to answer them for myself to model objectivity in evaluating life. I will invite you to do the same for each question.
Question 3:
What are my relationships?
With other people in the play, the scene (either directly or mentioned)?
It’s essential to pan out with this question and keep any triggering stories out of how you examine your relationships with people. Just stick to the facts: what they bring to your life and how you feel around them.
The prominent people in my life right now are:
My ex-husband, the father of my child—I am very thankful to have a healthy and balanced co-parenting relationship with him. We are very friendly with each other and have found an excellent way to maintain communication for the betterment of our child.
My daughter—she is the center of my world. I support who and how she is as a video gamer, even though I dislike all the time she spends on her device. Therefore, I nurture her artistic capabilities and provide her with graphic novels and art supplies to encourage her creative expression. She loves gymnastics and wants to improve, so I offer her short yoga practices to strengthen her shoulders and core, to help with her handstands.
My business—I am listing my business here because it takes a lot of my energy! I know my clients are on the other side of the window of my business, so I must maintain my business well. I love my business and care deeply for the work I put into it. I’m looking forward to the day when I can outsource some of the jobs I do to maintain it, but I am also thankful for how much I have learned and grown since taking on all the responsibilities.
My college students—I list them all as a grouping here because they connect with the whole of who I am (in question 1). My students are kind people who feel lost in life. They are terrified of the responsibilities that college demands of them. I do not water down what I expect of them, but I nurture them how I am able with easy-to-use learning tools, color-coded schedules, and chunking material in each lesson so they can quickly grasp it. I also list contact information for wellness and mental health resources so they can care for themselves.
Now it’s your turn—who are the prominent people in your life and how do you show up for them?
Be as objective as you can as you answer this question.
Suppose you discover a relationship that drags your energy down. What changes can you make in how you show up in the relationship that makes the relationship either neutral or positive?
Stay tuned for the fourth article in this series on the Get Real System where I discuss question four: What do I want?
Melissa Hurt is a personal development and communication coach with her Ph.D. in acting theory. She is the owner of Integrative Studio where she teaches clients how to release stale energy holding them back to become their true selves. Get a free gift that starts you on your path to a bird’s-eye-view of your life so you can take action on the next best steps at www.melissahurt.com/opt-in-home.