Let Meditation and Beyoncé Get Your Life On Course (Hint: It’s not about you, it’s about serving others)
People comment from time to time on my tenacity. I have the ability to accomplish goals and complete projects well in a timely manner. They marvel at my focus and drive to see difficult projects through to the end. How do I do it, they ask? I must have some natural talent for multi-tasking, right? I must have heaps of time to dedicate to my projects, right?
No, I don’t. I juggle responsibilities of motherhood, teaching college courses, running a small business, volunteering in my community, and maintaining self-care practices. It’s taken a few years, but I have learned how to connect with my inner voice to keep balanced and get stuff done. More importantly, my work has become meaningful because my inner voice steers me in the right direction. I know my inner voice as my true self and I have come to center my work on how I serve others. But, sometimes when life is hard and I need a little more oomph to follow through, I call on my inner Beyoncé.
Beyoncé Knowles is a massive force and inspiration. She works hard and gives back to the community. When I have little motivation from within myself, Beyoncé’s music inspires me to check into myself, tap into my fire, and propel myself forward when the going gets hard.
Let these four lessons for how to look within, find your true you, and run the world.
Lesson 1: You Have Got to Be with Yourself and Like Yourself to Take Care of Yourself
Me, myself, and I, that's all I got in the end
That's what I found out
And it ain't no need to cry, I took a vow that from now on
I'm gon' my own best friend
-- Me, Myself, and I, from Dangerously in Love
Many times we give much of ourselves to tend to others. We give without restoring ourselves and get depleted. Over time, we feel lost and don’t know what we are supposed to do with our energy anymore.
I have fallen into this pattern as a mother trying to keep up a small business and volunteering while tending to a baby that did not sleep regularly and seemed to nurse all the time. I put pressure on myself to keep up all of my activities without taking the necessary time to tend to my needs. Moreover, I lost track of what my needs were. What did I do to relax? What do I truly need right now? And, most importantly, what am I meant to do in this life that’s more meaningful than running myself ragged to take care of others.
I discovered that to learn who I was, I needed to be with myself. At the urging of a friend who enjoyed a morning yoga practice at the studio where we both taught, I made myself wake at 4:45am to go to an early morning yoga practice. It was hard to wake up that early, but I did it day after day. I felt comforted that my husband was able to tend to our daughter when she rose for the day. The yoga practice was held in silence and offered the perfect place to feel my breath and get real with how I was doing.
I felt my feet upon my cold yoga mat, closed my eyes, breathed, and looked inward. I discovered levels of exhaustion I had denied myself from realizing. My body hurt. My eyes felt heavy. But, my breath moved and I followed it with my mind as I went through my yoga practice. I spent about an hour on my mat each morning and, over time, not only built up my physical strength, but my capacity to be honest with myself.
Over time, I came to know myself because I was able to be patient with myself. More importantly, I liked myself and prioritized my morning self-care practices, which evolved to include meditation and journaling. I became my own best friend and nurtured this relationship first before tending to all others.
Try this: sit comfortably, close your eyes, and take a nice breath in and out. Do this several times while paying attention to how your breath moves your body. Soften your mind to being aware of your breath while looking inward to how you are feeling. Simply notice what comes up. No judgment, only kindness to how you relate with the answer. Breathe in the question: “How are you?” and breathe out “I love you. I wish you well.” Start here every day and you will begin to get to know yourself with love, kindness, and honesty.
Lesson 2: Tap Your Inner Voice to Find Your Dharma
I dream it, I work hard
I grind 'til I own it
-- Formation, from Lemonade
Once you learn how to be with yourself, feel your breath as a trail guide inward to learn about yourself. I have heard Oprah say that to pray is to talk to God/the Universe. To meditate is to hear what God/the Universe says to you. I hear this whisper as my inner voice. This practice takes time. Tend to a meditation practice as you would a garden by devoting focused pockets of energy to getting still and looking within. Wait and watch your practice grow slowly. You may start with three minutes of quiet focus and discover how easily it expands to five minutes. It may evolve into a ten-minute practice or more. Ask yourself, “How are you doing” and you will get keen on hearing your inner voice.
Once you identify your inner voice, ask “How can I serve others?” This question gets to the root of human flourishing—when we do good for others without asking anything in return, we lift our spirits and morale. (Try it. I promise it will feel good!) In addition, the service you gravitate towards is probably aligned with your dharma, or your calling—the main work you are meant to do in your life.
Sometimes I have held my morning meditation practice and all my inner voice says is “I’m tired.” I notice this response and ask the question again. She repeats, “I’m tired” and I know that I need to take care of myself for a while more before I even think of serving the world with my skills and talents. So I do just that.
Other times I have asked this question and an image comes to me of a group that needs my work, such as women working in male-dominated fields that need to strengthen their voices to carry across the board room while being true to themselves. I sit with the image and continue the question “How can I serve?” and action becomes clear to me on how I honor their needs. My service to others can evolve into the work I do for my business. Other times it is pure volunteerism. Luckily, when I put serving others at the center of how I use my skills and talents, I find my work aligns with my dharma. Find two action items you can do each day to work towards that service. You’ll feel your path beneath your feet soon enough.
I am able to listen to my inner voice because I have discerned her from the usual clutter of my mind. We have a good relationship, my inner voice and I. If you go through meditation practice and don’t recognize your inner voice, go back to Lesson One and sit with your breath a bit longer.
Try this: sit comfortably in a chair or on the floor. Close your eyes or find a soft gaze ahead. Breathe in and feel your body expand. Breathe out and feel your body contract. Focus on this feeling for a few more breaths. Now bring your mind to the stillness deep at your center. Keep your awareness soft and stay curious. Ask the question, “How can I serve?” and wait. Just wait. It may take a few breaths, but your inner voice will reveal something to you.
Lesson 3: Don’t Stop When It Gets Hard
I break chains all by myself
Won't let my freedom rot in hell
Hey! I'm a keep running
'Cause a winner don't quit on themselves
- Freedom, from Lemonade
You have an ongoing connection with your inner voice, you have a vision for your life and you do something every day to work towards it. And then you realize how hard this is. Wouldn’t it be easier to say you’ll do something and not follow through? Isn’t it easier to do what people say even if you don’t want to? Nope—because then you return back where you started with a broken connection to your true you. Instead, honor the discipline of knowing yourself and following through on what is right for you as you determine your service in the world.
Dedication to yourself takes discipline. You still have responsibilities of work, family, and community. Your self-care may feel great, but it also may feel like one more thing on your to-do list so perhaps you slacken it a bit. Maybe things start to feel overwhelming because so many amazing ideas are coming up! I’ve been there and know how disorienting and exhausting it can be.
Hear me now: stay the course. The saying “It’s always darkest before dawn” is TRUTH. You may be just edging the corner of something magnificent. If you stop now, you won’t gain the satisfaction of completion that opens the door to the next great opportunity.
You have to believe you are worthy of your dharma. To work in your dharma is to know freedom. If you compromise yourself by taking a backseat so you can tend to everyone and everything else, you will slide backward and find yourself as you started—depleted and exhausted, but this time with a taste in your mouth of how good it once was.
The path to honoring your true you through your work can be hard. But it’s supposed to be. You don’t have to do it all in one day—find one or two things you can accomplish with the energy available to you and just do that. The rest of it can wait. Take care of yourself through mindful movement, socializing with people who genuinely care about you, napping, and cooking quality meals. Keep up your meditation and journaling practices and be honest with the struggle.
Meditation is not about finding peace within yourself every day. On the contrary, it’s about keeping it real with the present moment whatever that moment is. If you are pissed off about an email from a colleague, you sit with that and breathe into it. If you look at your to-do list and feel distracted by fifteen other items on your daily agenda, you sit with that distraction. Get to what’s beneath the overt feeling and your inner voice will reveal why it stirs you so. It’s probably rooted in fear. Look it in the face. Look at it with kindness and say, “Yup, I see you.” Fear never goes away, but you can remain the leader on your path. Tell Fear to step aside and watch you slay!
Get to the heart of why you have fear and you will find a way to remain responsive, not reactive, to people and things that run contrary to your dharma. Stay the course and break the chains of fear and lethargy. They will rob you of your freedom. Don’t let them. You run this show. Don’t stop.
Try this: sit in your meditation practice in which you ask how you are doing and wish yourself well (revisit Lesson One if needed). Then ask yourself, “What are two action items I can realistically do today that honors myself in heart, mind, and energy?” It could be sending an email and writing out a couple of paragraphs of a presentation you have been working on. It could be work that takes up more of your time. It could be going for a long walk outdoors because you have felt chained to your desk for weeks (yes, self-care is part of your action plan!). Honor what your inner voice reveals.
Lesson 4: You’ve Got to Support Others Who Do Good Work. Period.
Okay ladies, now let's get in formation.
- Formation, from Lemonade
You’ve got yourself on track. You are putting good work into the world. You feel vital and connected to your true self. Now you must do whatever you can to support others who have been disenfranchised or held back by the patriarchy. I tend to support women’s organizations because I feel women must have each other’s back if we are going to own our shine in the world.
Ladies, say it with me loud and proud: I will NOT stoop low but instead rally against the cultural underpinnings that cause us to tear down another woman rather than recognize that she is doing her best in this world. I will support the efforts of women in my community who do what they can to contribute. If they need help, I will help them. No excuses.
And don’t worry about it coming back to you. Don’t help another expecting someone to do the same for you. It’s not about that. It’s about lifting others and validating their struggle. Because we all have our struggles. Look back at your pathway to get where you are and hold space for all of the obstacles you have had to overcome. It’s amazing, isn’t it, to realize how strong you are? They are strong, too. Let’s celebrate one another, support each other’s businesses, help out with each other’s kids (if applicable to your life), and be friendly to one another. We can form a bond in the community that can strengthen exponentially the more we support one another.
Oh, and, ladies, don’t EVER hide your shine for anyone.
Now, go get ‘em.
(And, for what it’s worth, if Beyoncé doesn’t resonate with you, find inspiration from other pop icons who are masters of their craft and give back to their communities: Carrie Underwood, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Alicia Keys, Shakira, and P!nk to name just a few...)
Try this: send an encouraging email or make a phone call to someone you know who is working towards a dream or living it. Let this person know that you see her/his work, you appreciate it, and you honor what she/he is putting out in the world. In a sense, you are giving a massive, enthusiastic high five (and who doesn’t love a high five?). If you could use advice on something you feel she/he could offer, have the courage to ask. If she/he needs advice, give it freely.
Get inspired:
People comment from time to time on my tenacity. I have an ability to accomplish goals and complete projects well in a timely manner. They marvel at my focus and drive to see difficult projects through to the end. How do I do it, they ask? I must have some natural talent for multi-tasking, right? I must have heaps of time to dedicate to my projects, right?
No, I don’t. I juggle responsibilities of motherhood, teaching college courses, running a small business, volunteering in my community, and maintaining self-care practices. It’s taken a few years, but I have learned how to connect with my inner voice to keep balanced and get stuff done. More importantly, my work has become meaningful because my inner voice steers me in the right direction. I know my inner voice as my true self and I have come to center my work on how I serve others. But, sometimes when life is hard and I need a little more oomph to follow through, I call on my inner Beyoncé.
Beyoncé Knowles is a massive force and inspiration. She works hard and gives back to the community. When I have little motivation from within myself, Beyoncé’s music inspires me to check into myself, tap into my fire, and propel myself forward when the going gets hard.
Let these four lessons for how to look within, find your true you, and run the world.
Lesson 1: You Have Got to Be with Yourself and Like Yourself to Take Care of Yourself
Me, myself, and I, that's all I got in the end
That's what I found out
And it ain't no need to cry, I took a vow that from now on
I'm gon' my own best friend
-- Me, Myself, and I
from Dangerously in Love
Many times we give much of ourselves to tend to others. We give without restoring ourselves and get depleted. Over time, we feel lost and don’t know what we are supposed to do with our energy anymore.
I have fallen into this pattern as a mother trying to keep up a small business and volunteering while tending to a baby that did not sleep regularly and seemed to nurse all the time. I put pressure on myself to keep up all of my activities without taking the necessary time to tend to my needs. Moreover, I lost track of what my needs were. What did I do to relax? What do I truly need right now? And, most importantly, what am I meant to do in this life that’s more meaningful than running myself ragged to take care of others?
I discovered that to learn who I was, I needed to be with myself. At the urging of a friend who enjoyed a morning yoga practice at the studio where we both taught, I made myself wake at 4:45am to go to an early morning yoga practice. It was hard to wake up that early, but I did it day after day. I felt comforted that my husband was able to tend to our daughter when she rose for the day. The yoga practice was held in silence and offered the perfect place to feel my breath and get real with how I was doing.
I would feel my feet upon my cold yoga mat, close my eyes, breathe, and look inward. I discovered levels of exhaustion I had denied myself from realizing. My body hurt. My eyes felt heavy. But, my breath moved and I followed it with my mind as I went through my yoga practice. I spent about an hour on my mat each morning and, over time, not only built up my physical strength, but my capacity to be honest with myself.
Over time, I came to know myself because I was able to be patient with myself. More importantly, I liked myself and prioritized my morning self-care practices, which evolved to include meditation and journaling. I became my own best friend and nurtured this relationship first before tending to all others.
Try this: sit comfortably, close your eyes, and take a nice breath in and out. Do this several times while paying attention to how your breath moves your body. Soften your mind to being aware of your breath while looking inward to how you are feeling. Simply notice what comes up. No judgment, only kindness to how you relate with the answer. Breathe in the question: “How are you?” and breathe out “I love you. I wish you well.” Start here every day and you will begin to get to know yourself with love, kindness, and honesty.
Lesson 2: Tap Your Inner Voice to Find Your Dharma
I dream it, I work hard
I grind 'til I own it
-- Formation
from Lemonade
Once you learn how to be with yourself, feel your breath as a trail guide inward to learn about yourself. I have heard Oprah say that to pray is to talk to God/the Universe. To meditate is to hear what God/the Universe says to you. I hear this whisper as my inner voice. This practice takes time. Tend to a meditation practice as you would a garden by devoting focused pockets of energy to getting still and looking within. Wait and watch your practice grow slowly. You may start with three minutes of quiet focus and discover how easily it expands to five minutes. It may evolve into a ten-minute practice or more. Ask yourself, “How are you doing” and you will get keen on hearing your inner voice.
Once you identify your inner voice, ask “How can I serve others?” This question gets to the root of human flourishing—when we do good for others without asking anything in return, we lift our spirits and morale. (Try it. I promise it will feel good!) In addition, the service you gravitate towards is probably aligned with your dharma, or your calling—the main work you are meant to do in your life.
Sometimes I have held my morning meditation practice and all my inner voice says is “I’m tired.” I notice this response and ask the question again. She repeats, “I’m tired” and I know that I need to take care of myself for a while more before I even think of serving the world with my skills and talents. So I do just that.
Other times I have asked this question and an image comes to me of a group that needs my work, such as women working in male-dominated fields that need to strengthen their voices to carry across the board room while being true to themselves. I sit with the image and continue the question “How can I serve?” and an action becomes clear to me on how I honor their needs. My service to others can evolve into the work I do for my business. Other times it is pure volunteerism. Luckily, when I put serving others at the center of how I use my skills and talents, I find my work aligns with my dharma. Find two action items you can do each day to work towards that service. You’ll feel your path beneath your feet soon enough.
I am able to listen to my inner voice because I have discerned her from the usual clutter of my mind. We have a good relationship, my inner voice and I. If you go through a meditation practice and don’t recognize your inner voice, go back to Lesson One and sit with your breath a bit longer.
Try this: sit comfortably in a chair or on the floor. Close your eyes or find a soft gaze ahead. Breathe in and feel your body expand. Breathe out and feel your body contract. Focus on this feeling for a few more breaths. Now bring your mind to the stillness deep at your center. Keep your awareness soft and stay curious. Ask the question, “How can I serve?” and wait. Just wait. It may take a few breaths, but your inner voice will reveal something to you.
Lesson 3: Don’t Stop When It Gets Hard
I break chains all by myself
Won't let my freedom rot in hell
Hey! I'm a keep running
'Cause a winner don't quit on themselves
- Freedom
from Lemonade
You have an ongoing connection with your inner voice, you have a vision for your life and you do something everyday to work towards it. And then you realize how hard this is. Wouldn’t it be easier to say you’ll do something and not follow through? Isn’t it easier to do what people say even if you don’t want to? Nope—because then you return back where you started with a broken connection to your true you. Instead, honor the discipline of knowing yourself and following through on what is right for you as you determine your service in the world.
Dedication to yourself takes discipline. You still have responsibilities of work, family, and community. Your self-care may feel great, but it also may feel like one more thing on your to-do list so perhaps you slacken it a bit. Maybe things start to feel overwhelming because so many amazing ideas are coming up! I’ve been there and know how disorienting and exhausting it can be.
Hear me now: stay the course. The saying “It’s always darkest before dawn” is TRUTH. You may be just edging the corner of something magnificent. If you stop now, you won’t gain the satisfaction of completion that opens the door to the next great opportunity.
You have to believe you are worthy of your dharma. To work in your dharma is to know freedom. If you compromise yourself by taking a backseat so you can tend to everyone and everything else, you will slide backwards and find yourself as you started—depleted and exhausted, but this time with a taste in your mouth of how good it once was.
The path to honoring your true you through your work can be hard. But it’s supposed to be. You don’t have to do it all in one day—find one or two things you can accomplish with the energy available to you and just do that. The rest of it can wait. Take care of yourself through mindful movement, socializing with people who genuinely care about you, napping, and cooking quality meals. Keep up your meditation and journaling practices and be honest with the struggle.
Meditation is not about finding peace within yourself everyday. On the contrary, it’s about keeping it real with the present moment whatever that moment is. If you are pissed off about an email from a colleague, you sit with that and breathe into it. If you look at your to-do list and feel distracted by fifteen other items on your daily agenda, you sit with that distraction. Get to what’s beneath the overt feeling and your inner voice will reveal why it stirs you so. It’s probably rooted in fear. Look it in the face. Look at it with kindness and say, “Yup, I see you.” Fear never goes away, but you can remain the leader on your path. Tell Fear to step aside and watch you slay!
Get to the heart of why you have fear and you will find a way to remain responsive, not reactive, to people and things that run contrary to your dharma. Stay the course and break the chains of fear and lethargy. They will rob you of your freedom. Don’t let them. You run this show. Don’t stop.
Try this: sit in your meditation practice in which you ask how you are doing and wish yourself well (revisit Lesson One if needed). Then ask yourself, “What are two action items I can realistically do today that honors myself in heart, mind, and energy?” It could be sending an email and writing out a couple of paragraphs of a presentation you have been working on. It could be work that takes up more of your time. It could be going for a long walk outdoors because you have felt chained to your desk for weeks (yes, self-care is part of your action plan!). Honor what your inner voice reveals.
Lesson 4: You’ve Got to Support Others Who Do Good Work. Period.
Okay ladies, now let's get in formation
- Formation
from Lemonade
You’ve got yourself on track. You are putting good work into the world. You feel vital and connected to your true self. Now you must do whatever you can to support others who have been disenfranchised or held back by the patriarchy. I tend to support women’s organizations because I feel women must have each other’s back if we are going to own our shine in the world.
Ladies, say it with me loud and proud: I will NOT stoop low but instead rally against the cultural underpinnings that cause us to tear down another woman rather than recognize that she is doing her best in this world. I will support the efforts of women in my community who do what they can to contribute. If they need help, I will help them. No excuses.
And don’t worry about it coming back to you. Don’t help another expecting someone to do the same for you. It’s not about that. It’s about lifting others and validating their struggle. Because we all have our struggles. Look back at your pathway to get where you are and hold space for all of the obstacles you have had to overcome. It’s amazing, isn’t it, to realize how strong you are? They are strong, too. Let’s celebrate one another, support each other’s businesses, help out with each other’s kids (if applicable to your life), and be friendly to one another. We can form a bond in the community that can strengthen exponentially the more we support one another.
Oh, and, ladies, don’t EVER hide your shine for anyone.
Now, go get ‘em.
(And, for what it’s worth, if Beyoncé doesn’t resonate with you, find inspiration from other pop icons who are masters of their craft and give back to their communities: Carrie Underwood, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Alicia Keys, Shakira, and P!nk to name just a few...)
Try this: send an encouraging email or make a phone call to someone you know who is working towards a dream or living it. Let this person know that you see her/his work, you appreciate it, and you honor what she/he is putting out in the world. In a sense, you are giving a massive, enthusiastic high five (and who doesn’t love a high five?). If you could use advice on something you feel she/he could offer, have the courage to ask. If she/he needs advice, give it freely.
(and mad love to Justin Michael Williams for teaching me so much about meditation!)
Get inspired:
Me, Myself, and I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S37SGxZSMc
Freedom
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FWF9375hUA
Formation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDZJPJV__bQ