Help Your Kid's Anxiety by Helping Yourself
Feeling stretched thin? Burned out? Flat-out exhausted?
Chances are your child is, too.
Not only do we all have added expectations of performing well within the limitations of remote learning/working and maintaining social distance while keeping connected to others, but we also crave the social interactions and freedoms we enjoyed before the pandemic.
We are sitting in chairs more than ever, our bodies ache, and our spirits suffer for it.
It’s time to explore a movement practice that releases aches and pains, attunes us to our emotions, and connects us with our families.
Yoga with your child is a great way to get in a movement practice for yourself, teach emotional intelligence, engage with your child’s imagination, and honor your child’s developmental need to move and play.
Moreover, your child wants to connect with you in so many ways—this is a great practice to tune into daily.
You do not have to be strong, flexible, sporty, or have great balance to practice yoga!
In fact, yoga practice can be quite slow and still, if that’s what you need it to be from time to time.
Hold up...you mean I don’t have to move that much to do yoga?
Nope. Popular culture shows images of yoga with able-bodied people who are usually under the age of 40, thin, athletic, and bendy. They are usually practicing yoga on a rock in a body of water and look like the essence of what we imagine Zen to be.
This is not yoga. What you see in those pictures on Instagram is gymnastics.
Yoga means “to yoke” or “to unite.” You are yoking your consciousness to your body, mind, and spirit with your breath as the lamp inward. You can do this in a slow movement, an adaptive downward-facing dog pose using the back of a chair for your hands, or by walking mindfully to the mailbox and back.
If you have a little one at home bouncing off the walls, you can even make this slow, mindful practice a game! (No worries, I have suggestions for energetic practices coming for you in a later post!)
Connecting to your true self makes you feel calm, peaceful, and centered.
You also yoke or unite your energy with your child through a yoga practice that includes him/her/them.
You help your child learn about him/herself while strengthening the bond between parent (or grandparent!) and child.
Before we get into some ideas for a yoga practice that works for the family, let’s break down the main two guidelines for yoga: “Non-harming” and “truthfulness.”
“Non-harming” is sometimes referred to as kindness and, simply put, it means not being harmful in your thoughts, words, and actions to others, the environment, or yourself.
Do you feel you are agitated at home either because you miss your yoga practice or feel out of sorts parenting a child that craves movement? Do unkind thoughts come with this feeling (“My kid is being such a pest right now” or “I’m too lazy to get up and move”)?
“Truthfulness” is, simply put, getting real with yourself and your life. Don’t judge what comes up because judgment goes against the “Non-harming” guideline! (See how this all folds together?)
Ask yourself: Do you feel your child is disconnected from you and acting out because he/she/they wants to do something fun with you?
Recognize the physical sensations and emotions that come up with this question.
Now, be truthful. There is no need to sugarcoat the truth of your experience.
Ask yourself what you truly need to feel joy in your life as it pertains to your personal health and your relationship with your child.
If you miss moving either in yoga or another modality because all of your time and energy go into parenting and surviving this pandemic then THAT is your truth. There’s nothing wrong with that.
If you feel your child wants to connect with you and you have not felt responsive to their needs, acknowledge it! It’s okay and know that you can turn that around right now.
So, now that we know what’s up, let’s get on the right path to wellness.
Stand with your child in Star Pose, in which your feet are wide and arms extend out at shoulder height. Open the child’s awareness to the shape his/her/their body is making as he/she/their feels it from the inside-out.
Ask what part of his/her/their body feels long. You might hear “my arm” or “my chest”—that’s great!
Ask what parts of the body feel strong. You might hear “my shoulders” and ask “what can you do to feel that your back is also strong in this pose?” and your yoga buddy will begin feeling the pose from inside-out to make micro-adjustments to feel more connected.
This is how yoga practice is also a way to teach emotional intelligence.
Once the child feels physical sensation, you can guide him/her/them to notice more subtle sensations within. First, ask him/her/them to notice the breath. Can you feel it moving in...and out....?
If you can feel the breath, you can connect with what emotions are happening right now (even if there are more than one at once). You might hear “happy” or “silly” or you might hear “confused”—this is an invitation to get to know what’s going on.
It’s not psychotherapy. Please do not turn it into that.
It’s an invitation to learn about your child in this particular circumstance (of yoga practice) to earn the trust to learn about your child at another time (say, when he/she/they are in the bedroom with the door shut).
Maybe the child doesn’t understand the shape he/she/they makes with the body and you can help. This will ensure trust between your child and yourself so he/she/they feel safe expressing emotions.
Remember: “non-harming” and “truthfulness” are your guides to open, non-judgmental communication between you and your child as well as between your body, heart, and mind!
A daily practice can take up to only 20 minutes and is a great way to teach mindful movement, self-awareness, emotion regulation, and self-care.
You are your child’s best teacher of how to be resilient, balanced, and loving.
Making time for your mindful movement practice with your child will enhance your foundation for a connected, loving relationship.