A Loving Bond in a Shout-Free Home
I made a vow to myself to not be a parent that lashed out at my child yelling and screaming whenever I lost my cool. I’ll be honest: it’s a hard promise to keep. Since becoming a mom, I have developed a wolf’s sense of hearing and wake up often throughout the night with every cough, sneeze, or sleepy whimper my daughter makes. It means I don’t rest as deeply as I did pre-pregnancy and can get a little short-fused through the course of the day. This is fine and well—I exercise, enjoy a couple of cups of coffee each day, eat well, and know how to move and breathe in ways that sustain my body, mind, and spirit.
Yet, despite a wheel of balanced and healthy actions, I can still lose my patience when I have to ask my six-year-old daughter ten times to get into the bathroom to take her evening shower. How many times do I have to say it?? Or how many times do I need to tell her to stop throwing the ball in the house? Parents, you know where I’m heading with this—we all lose our cool. Yet, I highly value sustaining a loving bond with my child and work very hard to preserve this connection.
Thankfully, I know how to channel my vocal energy productively into a focused stream that she not only hears clearly, but feels in her body as well. It’s the tonal current, a stream of fully focused tonal vibration that resonates on the hard palate of my mouth and my skull naturally amplifies. In layperson’s terms: she hears me fully and clearly and I do not have to shout. I don’t even have to raise my pitch more than one or two notes above my comfortable speaking range. The result? She knows I mean business. I stay in control of my emotions and demeanor.
Best of all, she does not become scared of me. We all know that shouting at a child does nothing. The yelling parent feels violent energy across her throat and heart. The parent scares the child and compromises their loving bond.
Instead, when I increase my tonal energy into a full, resonant tonal current, she feels a palpable difference in her body because she feels my energy. I am potent. I am powerful. I am filling the space with my vocal energy and my presence. I am in charge and, yes, sweet girl, you are getting into the shower NOW.
The tonal current happens when we feel a bit more expansion in the yawn space in the back of the mouth (lifting the soft palate while also opening into a bit more elasticity in the lips and cheek muscles). This space brings more vocal vibration to the Y Buzz current I feel every day. The vibration of my voice covers more than the small area of the upper gum ridge. It now covers a larger area, thus, there is more surface area receiving vocal vibration. This means my skull amplifies more vocal tone which equals more vocal energy filling the room.
I don’t shout. I don’t hurt my voice. I don’t hurt my child.
For those familiar with the Lessac Kinesensic work, feel the intensified tonal current by humming your Y Buzz and let it expand into a + Y Buzz. Let it organically open into a low Call. Stay there. There’s no need to do any more than this. At times, if your child is close to you, the + Y Buzz is plenty of vocal vibration to get your point across.
Do you want to access this vocal power without pain? Do you want to be a parent that does not yell at her kid? Do you want to strengthen the bond of love and respect between you and your child by improving your modes of communication? Check out my online courses “Embodied Voice: Get Clear” and “Embodied Voice: Feel Dynamic.” You’ll specifically learn the tools I share in this post in “Feel Dynamic.”